a proliferation of analyses

Long time comin'...

2007-12-18T08:58:00.000-07:00

So, coming up on 9 months since the last post, hey? Yikes. I'm sitting here at my new job, waiting to hear from a principal about meeting with a kid that reminds me of my cousin, Kelsey. This job has some pretty odd elements to it, but I absolutely love it. I have yet to wake up dreading going to work - that used to happen all the time.

Oh yeah - long time since I posted...I spent the summer after graduation working at the counseling clinic and The Family Centre. In late August, I saw a job advertised with the Edmonton Catholic School District. I figured there was no harm in applying, so I did. And, out of 45 applicants, I got the job. So now I work as what is called the School Team Advisor for Youth. Basically what I do is go to 10 different schools and spend time talking with kids about their lives. We discuss the choices they make in life, what impact those choices can have, their friends, family...all kinds of stuff that affects jr. high kids. So, yeah - I work in 10 different north side ECSD jr highs. I see about 12 kids a week, plus any extra stuff I do (I'm organizing a 7th grade leadership group in one of the schools; going on field trips, doing drug presentations, etc.). It's busy, but I really do love it.

I have also started my Master's in Counseling Psychology. It's a lot of work, and I've only just finished the orientation. Man...

Anyway - I need to get back to working, but I thought it was time for an update.

See ya.

Easter

2007-04-09T22:02:00.000-06:00

I saw some of my family this weekend. Actually, allow me to clarify. I saw exactly 21/26 (myself and Bren not included in those numbers - if you're that much of a stickler, then, 23/28) of my mom's side of the family...her sisters, brother and all the respective kids, husbands, wives, etc... You get the idea - it was quite the show. Two turkey dinners...actually three in three days (one on Fri w/ Bren's fam as well as the two on the weekend).

Pretty fun times, I must say. But SO tiring. Being with family that you haven't seen for a long time is exhausting - you feel like you are always ON. It's good to reconnect, though. Met my newest cousin for the first time - Keira Hopkins. She is absolutely adorable, and the perfect blend of her parents - she doesn't look like one or the other so much as she looks like both of them together.

Anyway - it's times like tonight that I wish life was normal. I would love to be able to do things that normal people do (what is that, anyway?) but unfortunately, I don't have that ability. I work weird hours at two jobs, and I'm trying to finish school off strong when every bone in my body is screaming at me to just give up and coast.

But I am encouraged by small things (or big things - depends on my attitude) - Bren got a new job (sing Doxology here), we got to go visit family this weekend, Bren got a new job (sing Doxology again)...you get the idea. I hate cliches as much as the next guy (unless the next guy happens to have the nickname "cliche king") but it truly is about how you look at things. It's easy as a Christian to fall into the trap of believing that no matter what happens you are supposed to be happy. At least - for me it is easy to believe that is how it is supposed to be. Maybe this is common sense for others, but it's work for me - to understand that I can be joyful without being "happy". Big step for me to "get" the difference there.

Anyway, not here to preach - not my calling. Plus, my crappy little monitor is singing me a high-pitched tune that is giving me a wicked headache.

cheers, yeah.

ash

Do you ever...

2007-04-03T07:42:00.000-06:00

feel the need to write something - that you have something important to say, but you're just not quite sure how to do it? I kind of feel like that right now. In a couple of my classes lately, we've really been going at some deep stuff - in my Continental philosophy class, in my Sr. Psych seminar, even my history seminar...lots of thinking happening, but I can't seem to get it out in a coherent way. Maybe I'll try again once the semester is over...I'll have more time to focus on what it is exactly that I'm trying to think about.

I will give you who read this a prelude into what this might look like - then you'll know better than to start reading the next few posts!

Is truth relative? Who decides how we decide what we decide? Is there any such thing as a beginning (aside from Genesis)? Does God allow suffering or cause it?

Yeah - if you have any thoughts on these few questions, let me know. I'm trying to avoid theology as much as possible, so don't give me "God is in control" answers. I know that. But I am also human and want human explanations for as much as possible. I refuse to use God as a crutch for the things that I cannot understand. If I do not understand something, it is because I have not tried hard enough, not because God is playing hide and seek with me.

cheers,

ash

Stats...

2007-02-26T16:13:00.000-07:00

I hate Stats as a class. Too much math for a psych major to deal with. My prof is an astrophysicist. Seriously. An astrophysicist. Teaching an Intro to Stats course. Oh puh-lease...

Anyway - just working on a stats assignment, so I thought I should vent.

New toys...

2007-02-23T13:30:00.000-07:00

So I finally cashed in my Christmas present from the in-laws. I got a GolfTown gift card from them, so I went down to my local GT and bought myself a new putter. It's one of the new ones by Yes!Golf - with the C-groove on the face - it's supposed to get the ball rolling forward faster, making your shot more accurate - and when it comes to putting, I need as much help as humanly (or equipment-ly) possible!

I also bought a new pair of Bose in-ear headphones. they are unreal. Bose is world-renowned for their incredible sound, and these headphones do not disappoint. I'm not going to sell anything on this blog, I promise (although this post may certainly seem that what's I'm doing...shoot). Anyway...I need to head to work. Thought for my golfing friends you'd like to know that I will now be kicking your butt this summer.

Later...

We're here for a good time...

2007-02-21T08:20:00.000-07:00

In theory, anyway. I have just over 2 months left and I will be finished my undergrad in psych. I am stoked beyond belief (isn't the old Petra song ringing in your head now?) I am working at a clinic right now, doing mostly admin stuff, but I get to work on putting a trip together for this summer.

I'm hoping to be able to go to either Landslide Lake or Little Bighorn Meadows. Not sure which yet - I might hike both of them this summer and see which one I like better. If you have any input, make sure and let me know!!

So yeah - there is not much going on in life, since school and work are the only things I do. But, in a desperate hope of being in shape for the summer, I am going for a run (sorta'...going on the elliptical).

Later...

Sweaty...

2006-10-31T10:10:00.000-07:00

So - last post (quite some time ago, I know...) I mentioned buying an elliptical machine. Cheryl calls it dainty (she's one of the ones living in the basement), I call it awesome. I'm up to 9 kms every other day. Takes me about 1/2 hr. On the "off" days, I do about 6 clicks in 20 minutes. I've dropped about 8 pounds in the last three weeks. Now I just need to finish school and buy a gym membership.

Today was an "off" day...so now I shower and go do some homework. I find that running every day really helps me focus - I've burnt off all the nervous energy for the day, so I can sit down for 3 hours and just work straight through (provided I've been fed and watered).

Best Buy gift cards are going on the Christmas lists...actually, besides John Grisham's new book, that's all that's going on the list. Bren got into the Master's program at Athabasca University, so we need a laptop - that way I can hang out at school and do work. There are computer labs at school, but they're more like an East Indian marketplace than a computer lab...hot, crowded, and very noisy. I get a laptop, I can work anywhere quiet...which is what I like. Silence to do homework - otherwise I get distracted. Silence and my music - the ultimate in focus-studies!!

Anyways...I should shower before my house smells like a gym...or MORE like a gym.

Oh yeah...

2006-10-09T21:00:00.000-06:00

We also bought an elliptical trainer. I wasn't joking about gaining weight.

Thanksgiving, cleaning the house...and such

2006-10-09T20:46:00.000-06:00

So it's Thanksgiving this weekend and I gained 48 pounds. Seriously - I ate a ton of food. Had 2 complete turkey dinners and at least 73 turkey sandwiches. Okay - obviously I'm exaggerating...

We went to Sylvan Lake yesterday and hung out at Bren's aunt and uncle's cabin. Nice digs. Her cousin is insane. The water is at most 5 degress Celsuis, and with the wind flying past you it couldnt' have been more than about 2 degrees out - and she was water-skiing. I understand hardcore - but that's ridiculous.

Cleaned my office today as well. Wow - dusty stuff, lemme tell ya. But that's okay. Now most of my old books are packed away and in the basement. Less dust collection, I guess. Eventually, I want to move my office to the basement (there's a room down there with a couple big windows) and set up shop for working on my master's - but there's renters down there right now. That could be awkward.

Anyways - kinduva slow day. Too bad I have to go back to real life tomorrow. Debating Plato. Fun stuff. Or not. Mostly not. Okay...completely not.

The Battle of Alberta

2006-10-07T23:04:00.000-06:00

Stupid Calgary.

DSM - IV TR

2006-10-05T17:38:00.000-06:00

I got it!! YAY! My long-awaited Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, version IV, Text-Revision is here.

Now, I'm off to work.

Plato, Aristotle and Augustine...and stuff

2006-10-04T16:13:00.000-06:00

Oh this should be fun. I'm joking - so not looking forward to a debate coming up in my History of Psychology course.

We have to debate Plato's view of the soul...and by debate, I mean develop an argument, understand Aristotle and Augustine well enough to poke holes in their theories, and somehow try to impress the prof - who knows virtually everything about Plato. If I was the swearing type - I would let loose right now. F@#%ing prof. F@%^ing debates.

Anyways...I have a Geography test coming up on Friday...shouldn't be too bad - the prof in that class makes me feel like Mr. Rogers smoked a serious joint before coming to class to teach. It's pretty bad. When he is asked to clarify something he read from the text (since he doesn't teach - he just reads from the text) he simply refers you to the text. For goodness sake, man. It's ridiculous.

So many random things in my head. Go to Pandora. It's unbelievably cool. You put in the name of your favourite band or favourite song or whatever, and it pulls a bunch of songs and compiles it into your own personal playlist. It takes the main components that are in the band or artist you like (like major or minor key tonality, electric/acoustic/mixed guitars, subtle/obvious vocal harmonies, time signatures, etc.) and pulls out songs that are similar to what you said you like. It's pretty wicked. And yes, it's free. I'm a student - I wouldn't even know about it if it weren't free.

Schizophrenia - Paranoid

2006-10-03T14:45:00.000-06:00

Yup. I'm doing a presentation on paranoid schizophrenia. Should be fun, as long as the voices in my head are quiet enough that I can hear myself talking to the class. I think I'm going to start out with a clip from "A Beautiful Mind", since John Nash had paranoid delusions derived from a schizophrenic disorder.

From there, we'll look at the criteria for diagnosis, based on the DSM (which should be here any day. It arrived in Edmonton on Friday - today is Tuesday and I have yet to receive it. I am not a patient person.). After that? Who knows - my partner should be doing the rest of the work. At least...that's what I think.

Anyways - I just realized that I am fat. Actually, that's not true. I didn't JUST realize it. I've recognized that fact that I've been gaining weight for some time now. But the time has come to do something about it. However - people like my buddy's sister keep giving me reasons NOT to start running.

And, she also gave me a reason not to let my wife run, either.

Not that my wife looks like the woman in the video. But you get the idea.

Oh yeah...schizophrenia presentation. So...if anyone knows a schizophrenic - if you could let me know...or give me a video of them in the midst of a hallucination, that would be great.

Thanks ;)

Time flies when you're busy...

2006-09-18T10:40:00.000-06:00

Or something like that.

It never seems that I have the time or energy to post on here. It's so sad - because it's a beautiful way to waste time...uh..I mean, to be creative. Self-expressive, if you will.

Ah, psychology. It makes me wonder if I'll be any good at helping people. If it's true that to be a good helper you will have needed plenty of help yourself, then I'm a candidate to take on Freud! Some days, I tell ya.

Anyways - just to keep myself up and on here. This is me. Wasting time. Or being creative. Whatever.

I did it - sorta...

2006-05-15T17:18:00.000-06:00

This is my new story blog. I'll write in it when I have time, I suppose. Somedays more than others - each post is a continuation of the last. Have fun!

I'm back!

2006-05-10T19:09:00.000-06:00

It seems as though I have more free time in the summer. Odd, hey? Anyways, I am taking a class this summer - actually two - and I think that I am really going to enjoy one of them. It's Forensic Psychology, and it covers topics like profiling, etc. I'll keep all y'all updated - even most of "all y'all" stopped reading this some time ago. I guess that's what happens when one stops writing for months on end. Maybe I should start a blog where I start writing a book, and each entry would be a continuation of the entry before. Then one day, I could publish it for real and become famous and interesting and all of that. Hmm...

Ha!

2005-11-08T09:17:00.000-07:00

Best Lobster Ever

Uncut Version

Been awhile, hey?

2005-11-03T16:58:00.000-07:00

Sorry 'bout that. Life has been stupidly busy. Now it's slowing down and I'm getting happier...or I've just maladapted well. Either way.

So, in studying for my Personality midterm, I've discovered that I am an existential-phenomenological psychotherapist. How's that for a mouthful? I am "existential" in the same way Rollo May was; the important thing in therapy is not being scientific or scientistic, but rather focusing on the person as a whole being. I am "phenomenological" in that as a therapist, I will have to help people deal with the real world in the way clients experience it, much like Carl Rogers does in his client-centred theory.

I'm not a psychoanalyst like Freud was, but rather a psychtherapist, because I believe that people are capable of changing their points of view without regressing to the oral or anal stage to discover what is wrong with them. I believe that, given the right set of circumstances (the major one of which is the desire to change), anyone can facilitate change within themselves. Those circumstances follow very closely (in fact, they are) Rogers' Conditions for Change:
1) Empathy: This is necessary, but limited. The therapist must see the world as if they were the client, but not lose the "as if".
2) Acceptance: This is so that there are no conditions of worth placed on the client. The idea here is that the client will feel free to discuss all matters with the therapist.
3) Genuineness: Rogers says here that the client is not an idiot. They will be able to tell if you're "faking it".

By doing these three things, the therapist is modeling a "good human being", and (while change cannot be guaranteed) will aid the changing process.

Sheesh, hey? That's what I thought, too. Believe me - it goes on and on and on. But I love it, so it's what I do.

studying...

2005-10-19T21:49:00.000-06:00

i am studying for my research methods midterm...sorta. i'm actually doing this instead (clearly)...but i need the break. i have had my head buried in psychobabble for the last week, and i still have 2 midterms to go...this week.

however, as i "study" for this midterm just shortly after writing my philosophy midterm - a couple of thoughts come to mind: 1) can Aristotle's idea of ethics ( ethos - habit/custom) be reconciled in any way to the relatively new APA guidelines for ethical treatment of people in experimental situations? 2) am i losing my freaking mind?

luckily for me, the answer to both is a resounding "no". not so luckily for me: i can't figure out why my head tried to make those two connect in the first place. i think it may have been because of the words "ethics". oh well...

seriously, though. my brain stops working about 20 minutes after i wake up and somehow i have to force myself to go through classes everyday, go to work, come home, study/do homework and be a husband. why do people do this to themselves? i dunno, but i hope they keep doing it. i'll never be out of work!

i had a great idea for my major term paper in my cognition class. there is just recently an interest in how the brain organizes what is funny, and why certain things are funny and others aren't.

one of the main dudes (read:proponents) of this research is a guy by the name of Victor Raskin. he sets up this theory called "incongruity-resolution". what he means is that we find things funny when what we expect is not what occurs. this is totally going to kill a joke that is bad to start with, but let me illustrate:

"What is the last thing that goes through a bug's brain when he hits a car windshield?"
"His butt."

What makes that (almost) funny is that you are thinking I mean something entirely different than what I actually do. A script is activated in your mind: what is the bug thinking? This is what most of us (who had never heard this groaner) would think of when we hear the expression "goes through a bug's brain". The punch line provides a script (a script is something that creates an expectation in our minds based on our experiences) that is incongruous (or opposing) to the original script. The resolution of that ambiguity is what makes the joke funny.

Only problem is, sometimes incongruent statements just aren't funny. Take the following paragraph for example:

Jimmy got up early. He was thinking about the math test. He was worried he wouldn't be able to control the class today. It's just not part of a normal janitor's job.

Incongruous? Yes. Funny? Not particularly. Chances are, after the first two sentences (and possibly the start of the third) you thought that Jimmy was a student. Oh, wait...no. He's the teacher. Oh - he's the ... uh... janitor? Weird. But not funny.

It may make an interesting paper.

well...

2005-10-19T12:27:00.000-06:00

i no longer enjoy philosophy. that was one of the most random tests i have ever endured. some of that stuff was so obscure it was cruel. oh well. maybe i'll pass.

maybe.

uncircumstantial evidence...

2005-10-16T22:05:00.000-06:00

the guy speaking at church today was a cop. he explained that as a forensic detective, he often dealt with dead people and going to court to give his profession opinion. he then proceeded to ask us, the congregation, listen to what he was saying as if we were a jury, and decide whether or not Christ really had risen from the dead. it was amazing to hear him as he went through all kinds of arguments against Christ's resurrection and refuted them. one of the theories against the Resurrection is the "swoon" theory, saying that Christ merely fainted and once placed in the tomb, he was revived by the cool, damp air and walked out on His own. gary almost laughed at this. he explained how Christ was tortured before He was even nailed to the cross, and how the beating He took would have nearly killed him, tearing into muscle and possibly leaving his bowels exposed from the back. He was then nailed to the cross, (a rough [not sanded nicely like in the pictures] tree trunk with a cross-section nailed onto it [not lined up evenly] through the radius and ulna bones in His wrist and between the tarsal bones in his feet. His shoulders were actually dislocated as they pulled His hands outwards to nail His wrists down. in order to breathe once He was nailed in place, He had to push upwards against the nail in His feet to remove the pressure on His chest. once the pain was too great, He had to let Himself down to re-energize - but couldn't breathe. He did this until He was exhausted. then He died. the roman soldiers (who were killing professionals) knew what a dead person looked like; that's why they didn't break His legs, but rather, they stuck a spear in His side. remember the blood and water that flowed out? that happens only once a person is dead - the blood begins to separate. if Christ was still alive, it would have been just blood - no water. so they took Him down and put Him in the tomb. definitely dead. for you.

there was no way Christ just fainted. people that are beat up that bad do not just get better without serious help. they didn't have that kind of help back then.

and we know He came back to life. there was no way anyone stole His body. if it was just normal thieves, they wouldn't have taken the body - it was worthless. they would have taken the grave clothes. those spices and linens were where the money was. if His disciples took it, someone somewhere down the line would have cracked. there is no honour among thieves - someone would have ratted them out at some point. but they didn't. their story remained unchanged over time. if the religious leaders had stolen it, they would have paraded it around town as soon as the disciples starting claiming His being raised from the dead. nobody stole that body.

plus, He showed Himself to more than 500 people. some say that was a hallucination. one problem...actually two: 1) hallucinations are rare...they take very specific situations...and 2) people don't have group hallucinations where they all see the exact same thing and report it at the same time. no one would be able to keep that story straight if it was a lie. and besides...hallucinations don't make you breakfast.

so? was Christ raised from the dead? it's your decision. but you have to live with the eternal consequences of that decision. read matthew's account of the death and resurrection of Christ. read mark's, luke's, john's. decide for yourself.

it's one of those days

2005-10-14T11:36:00.000-06:00

have you ever heard of blindsight? it's confusing, but very interesting. people that have a very specific area of their visual cortex damaged (or removed), lose their ability to see. however, they are able to locate objects in space. say that i was dealing with a person who had blindsight and i held up a ball. "what is this that i am holding?" they would reply, "i can't see anything. i'm blind!" and they would be right. they are blind in that they have lost all visual consciousness, that is - they do not know that they can see. by all rights they are blind. BUT if i were to throw that ball at them, they would catch it. or if gave them a shape and said put it in the proper hole, they would do so as a person with sight would, not feeling around like a blind person would. bizzarre, hey? they are blind in that they have lost their visual consciousness, but there is a secondary region of the visual cortex that, if left intact or undamaged, can still see certain things, without relaying to the right side of the brain any images whatsoever. odd.

the brain is far more complex than i thought. maybe because i've never thought about the brain before. mine works most days, so i leave it at that. there is also something, and i currently can't recall what it's name is, where a person feels as though part of their body is not actually part of their body. has something to do with a split brain disassociatism...but the story is of one guy that woke up after having some sort of brain surgery and saw this leg lying at the end of his bed. he thought the nurses were playing a joke on him, so he picked up the leg and threw it off the bed. well, as you can imagine, he went tumbling off the bed, since he was attached to the leg he had seen as being something unattached to him. crazy stuff, hey?

i can't wait until i'm done school and get to see some of this stuff in real life. movies are great and everything, but i want to see it for myself firsthand. not that i want to see someone get all stressed out and throw themselves off the bed...but you gotta admit - that's a freaking funny mental picture!

oh bother...

2005-10-14T08:10:00.000-06:00

i get to school this morning...at 8 am - my next class isn't until 10 am...and my class is cancelled. my wife dropped me off and drove away, leaving me here to deal with sheer boredom for the next 2 hours. i could still be in bed. crap.

or i could be doing schoolwork. crap.

you're kidding, right?

2005-10-13T15:14:00.000-06:00

4 midterms, 2 labs, and a paper. could school be any better?! i am simply not in the frame of mind to do any of it - especially considering the fact that i am having an incredibly difficult time deciding what to write my paper on. i was handed a book and told to write a paper. what kind of paper? book review? opinion paper? why must profs do things like that?! argh.

then come the midterms. one is an optional re-write, but why would i not do it? it's a no-lose situation. either way, the highest mark stands. one will be easy, one will be harder, and one i couldn't possibly care less about. am i screwed? yes.

and yet, here i sit, not studying, not writing a paper, not working on my labs...just blathering on to whoever happens to read this.

okay - i really need to work on school. nothing new in the psychoanalytic field to report today. maybe when i start working on my paper for my personality class. that should be fun...

ugh...

2005-10-13T08:49:00.000-06:00

i hade beig sick...

Aw, crap.

2005-10-11T19:34:00.000-06:00

so i got my cheque in the mail today. a gst cheque - y'know...y'pay taxes and they give you some back. it's s'posed to make you feel all warm and fuzzy. once in awhile it works, but not today. $4.66!! so what if i got married, moved to a better province and owe you buggers money? $4.66?!?!? c'mon!

anyways - i am currently at home at my nice little ikea desk, wishing my wife was home. although, i should be doing homework and i wouldn't be doing this if she were home. neither would the oiler's game be on. what a start, this 3-0-0...not since the '96-'97 season. (isn't this s'posed to be about psychology?)

seriously, i'm tired of school. i'm too old to be there anymore. i have 4 midterms (albeit one is an optional re-write), a paper, and 2 lab assignments due by next friday. i am too old!

i was at work tonight, and i realized something: pumping gas is frickin' boring! then i realized that it was a heckuva lot easier than trying to decipher standard deviations in marks from a intro to psych class from years ago when the prof's handwriting was barely legible back then! i still remember the first time i took statistics...

the prof was a russian mathematician. "vat vee van do ist to tack de stander deveeaysh an fyind ou vat eets ees reelatin tu." no, i'm not joking. i dropped it. and today in my research methods class, we started in on SD again. but it seems to me that it is not as difficult as mr. russian-can't-speak-english seemed to make it.

anyways, this history paper that i have to write is going to be a gong show. not only do i have to write a paper i care nothing about - i then have to defend it in front of 15 students and a prof that loves to argue. guess who is completely non-confrontational in his own personal life? won't that just be the best day ever? okay, for real...it's time to read up on thomas a kempis. have a good night.

2005-10-11T10:03:00.000-06:00

so...

the problem with mornings is that they suck.

2005-10-10T23:00:00.000-06:00

so apparently, psychology is a lot of science and biology and stuff like that. that would have been good to know BEFORE i started taking my psych degree...

oh well. i have decided that i need to be a nicer guy. seriously. i have issues (doesn't everyone that takes psych?) that i need to deal with and the farther i get into psych, the more i am discovering the power of my mind over my attitude. funny, it took my 7 years of school to figure out that i have self-control. if only i would learn how to harness it.

i'm not joking here people. this is serious stuff (phbbbt!). in any case, as i learn how to deal with people and learn how my brain works (and in some cases, doesn't) i also learn that i have a lot of power in other people's lives. i have the power to make them laugh. i have the power to make them cry. i also have the power to make them realize that they are doing things wrong...and in that, i have the power to realize that i am doing things wrong. that is where the healing begins. for me and the people that i counsel...the people that i give advice to...the people that will one day look to me for guidance. i certainly had better know what i am talking about.

and so begins the proliferation of analyses...